ChasmI’ve been obsessed recently. Rubbernecking as the Arrogance Show sells out again and again. From the current political spectacle to Olympic athlete’s antics the Arrogance Show is trending.

And just like most rubberneckers who know they should drive past the accident without slowing down to look, I can’t seem to help myself.

Many issues astound me but one that stands out is witnessing the vast difference between confidence and arrogance.

I’ve always imagined a fine line between the two. But I was wrong. Instead I think they are divided by a huge chasm.

Confidence states, “I’m okay, so are you and together we are better.”

Arrogance, on the other hand screams, “To be okay, I must be better than you.”

Confidence is based on love. Love of self and love of others. It understands that you can control your actions but not outcomes. Confidence is real.

Arrogance is based on fear. Fear of not being good enough coupled to fear of being found out. It believes it can control the outcome. Arrogance feels phony.

Arrogance, as Bleeding Gum Murphy says in the Simpsons, “…ain’t about feeling better, it’s about making other people feel worse.’

Confidence celebrates the best in others and actually wants to hear what they have to say. It admits mistakes, asks for and listens to feedback and is willing to take responsibility. Confidence understands that if there isn’t enough pie, you should figure out a way to bake another one.

Arrogance, on the other hand, plows into the room, mansplains, demands the spotlight and the biggest piece of the pie for itself.

Love and confidence encourages us to play. Fear and arrogance just want control.

We can all be seduced by the message of fear. It speaks to our most basic, reptilian instincts.

As I rubberneck and gawk, I am reminded that when you fake confidence you come off as arrogant. Gratefully, there are ways you can make yourself feel more confident so you don’t have to fake it. It can be built by doing little things that help bolster your confidence each and every day; things that feel like love and play.

One of my favorites is to look myself in the eye in the mirror and say, “Hey beautiful. For the next hour I will treat you with love and respect. No put downs, no snide comments and absolutely no fear mongering or threats. Just positive and loving thoughts.”

Another is to sit down and write a thank you note.

What makes you feel more confident?

Go ahead. Give yourself (and the rest of us) the gift of doing it. Right now.

Take care,


Looking for ways to feel more confident? Check out Alexandra Franzen’s awesome list of 30 Confidence Vitamins.